Anxiety Resources
A partial list
Someone close to me asked for resources that could help with severe anxiety, so I wrote up this list. I’m putting it here in case it’s helpful for others. I’m also curious what books and resources I’m missing that other folks have found helpful.
There are a few books that have helped me deal with anxiety.
When I started going to a therapist, one of the things I wanted was to stop feeling bad. That seems pretty natural, right? I have bad feelings: looping, anxious thoughts, endless worry that feels compulsive, tightness in my chest, a kind of restless energy that I really want to get rid of. In some way anxiety is by definition a kind of energy I want to get rid of. If I didn’t want to get rid of it, it would be excitement.
In San Francisco, I was lucky enough to work with a therapist who saw his job as not helping me get rid of what I was feeling, but helping me be able to embrace what I was feeling and have more space for it. I have found that embracing what I’m feeling can often transform how it feels, so that anxiety and other challenging feelings feel more expansive.
All of these folks have a similar message: our feelings, including difficult feelings, are important sources of information for us. Sometimes what those feelings want might be deeply confused, but they have positive intentions for us. When we’re able to embrace those feelings rather than suppressing them, they become dramatically less painful.
So all these folks want to help you embrace your feelings. Which doesn’t mean that you start believing everything your anxiety may tell you. But it can lead to having more freedom, so the anxiety you feel doesn’t feel like it’s controlling you.
Here are a few resources I’ve found helpful:
Books about anxiety
David Burns, When Panic Attacks
David Burns is one of the therapists who helped develop Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This book is the best summary of his work and it focuses specifically on anxiety. (Despite the title, it doesn’t focus only on panic attacks — it’s about anxiety in general.) He focuses a lot on being willing to feel fear around what you’re doing, but choosing to do it anyway and see whether the fear was justified. I found this book really helpful for me.
I used to take “When Panic Attacks” with me on business trips. Before I moved to San Francisco, I went out for a Macworld conference to meet up with other employees of a company I was working for. At a party one evening, I was talking to one of my coworkers and asked him why he didn’t start a company of his own. He seemed like a good programmer and a smart guy. He told me that he wasn’t good at talking to people or making connections, and then he said “I’m not like you” and mentioned how I was going up to people and introducing myself to them at the party. It was a really nice compliment — but what was really funny about it was that I’d taken time between the conference and the party to go back to my hotel room and re-read a section of “When Panic Attacks,” trying to psych myself up for the party and give myself the courage to talk to a bunch of new people.
Ann Weiser Cornell, The Power of Focusing
These two books are both about the same thing, and they’re both very good. “Focusing” is a word that Eugene Gendlin came up with for a particular way of feeling what’s happening within your body both emotionally and physically.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is, in part, about finding ways to see some of the ways your thoughts may be misleading you. Focusing takes a different approach: it’s an opportunity to feel what you’re feeling physically. I find that Focusing can help me have some distance from what I’m feeling, but lets me see what I’m feeling as important information for me. For me this is an important component of emotional fluidity. I want to be able to feel things, but I don’t want those feelings to get stuck (which can happen if I don’t let myself feel them), and I also don’t want to believe all of the thoughts that come up when I’m feeling any particular thing.
Non-books
There are a couple non-book resources that have been helpful for me as well.
Steven Hayes is a psychologist who developed a therapy type called “ACT.” He has a wonderful Ted Talk where he explains the core idea of ACT, which I think is applicable to everyone. His idea is that trying to shut down your painful feelings is like not listening to a close friend in need.
I also recommend this Joe Hudson podcast episode about anxiety. Joe Hudson has a good approach to emotions. I find him a little hard to summarize.
